Explaining to Children What to Expect at a Funeral

When I am helping a family who may have kids attending a funeral, I will explain that the concept of a funeral is often very abstract to children.  Often they don’t know what a funeral is or what to expect.

Although I am no expert, here are some of my suggestions on how to explain what a funeral is to a child as gently as possible. 

• Explain to any kids attending what they can expect to see,  hear and do

• If the children are personally connected to the person who has died, ask them if they would like to be involved in the ceremony.

• Explain that they may see people crying but they may hear people laughing

• Show any children the slideshow of their person before the funeral so they know what to expect.

• Let them know that watching these lovely memories may make them and other people cry.

• There may be lots of people talking – and if they would like to leave the space at any time, perhaps they can nominate someone who can take them outside if they would like to.

• Explain at the end of the ceremony they may see the coffin be put in a special car, it may be lowered out of sight or a curtain may closes around it.  These are special “letting go” ceremonies and their body is going to be taken care of in a special way, and they won’t feel any pain. 

• Remind them It’s okay to feel sad, and it’s also okay to ask questions if you have any.

It can be easy to give them too much information when explaining what they expect.   This information can be given in increments.