Listen in to my Podcast…

Miscarriage occurs in one in four pregnancies.   
 Six babies are stillborn in Australia every day, with one in 120 births being a stillborn baby or a newborn death.These statistics are a reality that often leaves people unsure how to respond, creating an uncomfortable silence.Today, I am honoured to speak with Nicole Hasseldine. 

Welcome to another episode of Deadly Serious Conversations, where today we are joined by Dr. Susan Palmer from Gather My Crew, an incredible organisation dedicated to helping people rally around loved ones during times of crisis.

 Today on Deadly Serious conversations I have a wonderful chat with Danielle from Sage Executor Solutions about the role of an executor of a will and some of the things that  are important to know to make the process easier, less stressful and more efficient.

Today, I have a special episode featuring Dan from 'All about me films'- a Melbourne-based company dedicated to preserving life stories on Film for future generations.
We delve into the importance of storytelling for family history and how it gives us a sense of belonging that can shape who we are today.
This episode reminds us that we continue to exist long after we are no longer physically here, living on through the stories and memories we leave behind.
So whether you're looking to preserve your own story or would like to encourage your loved ones to document their story,  this episode will inspire you to see the value in capturing part of your family's history.

I am often asked how to support children who are grieving I am no expert but I am delighted to share this episode of the podcast, where I have a chat to Scott Andrews from the National Centre for Childhood grief.

Knowing how to support a child deal with loss and grief can feel overwhelming. It's hard to know what is the right thing to do to help them. Scott offers gentle suggestions on language to use, whether they should be involved in the process and how grief may show up for children.

Scott is incredibly experienced in this area and shares his wonderful insights on how to help children grieve in healthy ways.

This is an invaluable episode for everyone to learn what we can do to support children and help them feel less alone and isolated in their grief.

Most people are familiar with the traditional burial and cremation practices, such as using a cemetery, or storing the ashes in an urn. Some people choose to scatter their loved ones ashes but do not realise that this may be harmful to the environment.

Mornington Green Legacy Gardens in Victoria are beautiful botanical gardens situated on the Mornington Peninsula.

They offer an environmentally safe way for people to go back to nature after they die.

The cremated ashes are scientifically treated to avoid causing any harm and are infused into a carefully chosen tree in their beautifully landscaped gardens or forests.

The Legacy Gardens also offer future generations and loved ones a place to come and visit to watch as the tree grows and blossom. It also provides a beautiful space in nature for families to gather, celebrate, and connect

In this episode I chat with Luke Roberts, the co-founder of Mornington Green Legacy Gardens to hear more about this innovative practice

This episode of the podcast is one that challenges the conventional narratives surrounding end-of-life ceremonies and funerals.  

In it, I have a wonderful chat with Tim and Paul, whose mum Mary Anne decided to face her own mortality and embraced the idea of a living wake after deciding not to continue treatment for Bowel cancer.  

Often at funerals, people remark to me that it is a shame that the person who died didn’t hear all the lovely things that others had to say about them.   

But Mary Anne got the opportunity before her death, to be with her family and friends and to hear the many reasons they loved her at her living wake.  

Her loved ones shared and stories and memories and were able to express their gratitude to Mary Anne so she was able to hear how people felt about her before she died.  

Tim and Paul offer their different perspectives on this celebration of their mums’ life.  

Living wakes or funerals are certainly not for everybody, but the landscape of funerals is changing as we explore alternatives to the solemn occasions that funerals traditionally have been.   Whether you are curious about the concept, planning such an occasion for yourself or a loved one, or seeking a fresh perspective on one of life’s inevitabilities, this episode has it all.  

We hear it all the time that life changes in a second, and nothing can prepare us for it when that does happen. We all think and hope it will never happen to us.

Jacinda has been living with the loss of her son Harper and his dad Matt, when they were both killed in a freak accident.

Losing 2 people you love at the same time seems unimaginable.

In today’s episode, Jacinda shares with us a glimpse into what life after the loss of a child looks like 4 years on, the unique pain of losing two people you love at the same time, her experience of living with such a loss and learning to find hope when all hope has been lost.

As the cost for a traditional burial rises each year and as people have become more environmentally conscious about our land shortage, Cremation has become the preferred choice for many Australians, With over 70% of funerals now involving a cremation.

There is no textbook to tell you what to do in these circumstances, and suddenly you find yourself in a situation having to decide whether to cremate or bury your loved one. Subsequently, you then have to make a decision about what to do with their ashes.

Just recently there was a lot of media coverage about a fan allegedly throwing a bag containing her mum’s ashes at a Pink Concert. And it prompted a lot of people to think what they would do with their loved ones ashes.

Today I have a chat with Oliver & Yaz from the URN Collective to discuss the options on what to do with someone’s ashes.

Links:
Urn Collective

Jo Lincoln is no stranger to the podcast. In fact, she was my first ever guest and I am absolutely delighted to have her back, talking about her new book - "Is this normal?"

Grief is uncomfortable, it is complex and everyone experiences it differently.

At times it feels overwhelming and all consuming, and indeed very abnormal.

Jo is a death doula, a celebrant, a certified grief educator, a counsellor with Griefline and now a published author.

And today we have a lovely conversation, normalising grief in the early days after someone dies

Links

Is this normal?

Griefline

20 percent of women or 1 in 5 may experience a pregnancy loss in the first 20 weeks of pregnancy.  

That is 1 early pregnancy loss every 5 mins in Australia.  Behind these statistics are real people.  So many people walk this lonely road, yet often we never know.  It’s such a silent and isolating grief, not being able to talk with anyone about it. And having to act like it never happened...

The chances are someone you know and love will have experienced an early pregnancy loss and it is very important that we all learn how to support grieving parents better.  

I have to admit, my experience of miscarriage or early pregnancy loss is from a professional point of view.  I have walked with many parents to honour their precious babies but I haven’t experienced this type of loss myself.  

But I do know that there isn’t enough understanding of the grief around this type of loss.  But I want to educate myself and learn more.  

In an effort to being more open to learning how we can support couples who have experienced pregnancy loss,  I have invited Karen Schlage to be a guest.   

Karen’s 2 babies – Charlie and Sophia both died in the 2nd trimester of each pregnancy.  Although it is very bittersweet, Karen is now doing incredible work in honouring them and advocating for those facing pregnancy loss.  

This is a wonderful chat and I think we can all learn something from it.  

Links
Karen's Website 
Churchill Fellowship
Pink Elephants

I believe we have a collective responsibility to continue to do death better.

Grief is a very lonely and isolating experience for those going through it.

Grief can also make us feel uncomfortable because we don't know what to say or do to offer support

Today in this episode of Deadly Serious Conversations podcast, Melinda Whyman and I discuss how to help us learn to be a better support person to someone who is grieving. Navigating how to comfort a friend or family member during such a difficult time is overwhelming — but don’t let the fear of saying or doing the wrong thing hold you back from trying to help at all.

Funerals have changed dramatically in the last decade.

Not that long ago, they followed a very standard procedure.

Often mourners wore black,

Most funerals were burials

Religion played a big part and there were very few personal touches.

In this episode of the podcast, I have a wonderful chat with Stan Commings who is almost 94 years young!

Stan dedicated his working life to working in the funeral industry. People like Stan paved the way for those of us who work in the industry now. And I really enjoyed hearing his stories.

We have so much to learn from history but it is also fascinating to see how things have changed.

This conversation was a lovely reminder to me, of how important it is to capture and preserve the thoughts and memories of our older generations. And how recording stories leaves a legacy of living history for future generations. And I would like to thank Stan for sharing his stories with me.

In this episode of the podcast, I have a wonderful chat with Rebecca Lyon

Rebecca is an Independent Funeral director based in Tasmania who works in the area of Home Based death care and family led funerals

She is also the founder of You N Taboo, a local Tasmania Initiative, dedicated to promoting and dispelling some of the taboos around death and dying to encourage a healthier culture around death and Helping to make the conversation about death and dying, just another part of life.

In this rich conversation with have a frank and honest chat about Home Based death care.

Many people don’t realise that choosing to spend time – whether that’s a short time or a longer period, with a loved one who has died, in their home, is an option available to them. Many think it’s illegal to keep a body at home and believe the process may be too difficult.

And although this option may not appeal to everyone, it is important to know that our loved ones CAN be cared for at home, after they die allowing their family to be an integral part of the death and funeral process and giving them precious time prior to their funeral.

We have a great chat about whats involved in this model of care and how a supportive funeral director may help with the more difficult parts of the process.

Rebecca’s wonderful Tedx Talk titled “three steps into the Heart of Home Funeral” provides a wonderful insight into moving death and dying back into the home – where it was common practice for hundreds of years.

And how it can change the grieving process.

Although the requirements around after-death care and Home Based death care do vary from state to state, this is a wonderful conversation. so that we can make better informed choices about the options available

I hope you find this as informative as I do.

In this episode of the podcast I talk to the lovely Dr Annetta Mallon from Gentle Death Education and Planning about Advance Care Plans.

During our conversation we discuss why Advance Care Plans are so important and how they allow you to think about and document your wishes should you be unable to make those decisions yourself.

Advance care plans are not only for the elderly or the unwell. They are important things to think about at any age.

All of us are different and we need to ensure that our values and preferences around living and dying are documented, so those preferences can be adhere to.

Dr Annetta Mallon

End of Life conversations are tough conversations to start.

We tend to avoid them because we don't want to cause upset, often we don't want to face reality and they may bring up uncomfortable emotions.

Anne supported her partner Greg through his cancer diagnosis and his treatment. But following a terminal diagnosis, they had to learn how to live in the face of death.

Throughout their life together, Anne and Greg discussed everything, so it seemed only natural that following Greg's terminal diagnosis that their discussions included his end of life care. They also spent time planning his funeral and how he want his life to be celebrated and remembered.

For Anne and Greg there was nothing left unsaid. They spent time together making practical preparations for Greg's death.

What a gift this has been for Anne. She felt confident that every decision she made, was exactly as Greg wanted it.

When someone dies the shock and grief can make decision making more difficult. But conversations prior to death, can be an act of love and help soften some of the anguish for those left behind

This is Anne & Greg's story.

In this episode of the podcast, I have a chat to Katie Anne from a charity called Jacinta’s Smile is passionate about helping those suffering the loss of a sibling for bereaved children and young adults.

Katie Anne knows too well the grief when a sibling dies. In an extraordinary set of circumstances, she has experienced it 3 times with the death of her brother Declan when she was a child, and her sister Jacinta and her brother Fintan when she was an adult.

Sibling grief is a forever process and there are so many different parts of your life that it touches.

Siblings are people that you grow up with. They are a part of your life from the beginning. You don’t remember life without them and there is an expectation they will always be there in the future

When a sibling dies, those bonds are shattered and that shared history has a void that cannot be filled.

This episode of Deadly Serious Conversations is on the topic of Voluntary Assisted Dying.

" Voluntary Assisted Dying" is the term given in Australia, referring to the assistance given by a health practitioner to a person to end their life.

The term “voluntary” assisted dying emphases the voluntary nature, of the choice, of the person and their enduring capacity to make this decision.

Put simply, Voluntary Assisted Dying, means that some adults, can now ask for medical help to end their life, if they have a disease or illness, that is so severe that it is going to cause their death and their suffering cannot be relieved in a manner that is tolerable to them.

Victoria was the first state in Australia to pass legislation allowing Voluntary Assisted Dying to happen.

There is a very specific eligibility criteria for VAD and it is not available to everyone.

In this conversation with Cheryl, we talk about her and her dad Jim’s experience when he availed of the VAD programme earlier this year.

This is Jim’s story and it is definitely worth listening to so we can all learn more about VAD.

In this episode of the podcast, I chat to the lovely Karin from Heavenly Catering. 

Karin has over 20 years experience as a caterer for wakes and celebrations of life. Through her catering company Heavenly Catering, she helps co-ordinates gatherings of any size and in any location, including church halls, private homes, and funeral function centres. Using her experience she has written a beautiful book called “Where there is a will, there is a wake”.   It is a great little resource whether you are preparing for the death of someone close to you or whether you are creating your own funeral and wake plan.  

Karin has written this book to support anyone who is wanting to own their own end of life choices, so that you can go your own way, taking the pressure and stress away from your family and friends and to create funerals and wakes that truly reflect the life you are celebrating. 

I hope this chat gives you some food for thought.  

It has always been my goal for Deadly Serious Conversations, to normalise tough conversations.

October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. As a society we don’t like to talk about uncomfortable and difficult things.

This is an area that I really believe we need to become more comfortable.

The discomfort that accompanies stillbirth, leaves many parents feeling alone with their pain.

We all have a responsibility to learn and understand about pregnancy & infant loss. Thankfully, the culture around baby loss is slowly changing but no parent should ever feel that their child is an “uncomfortable” subject.

In reality all of us have the potential to be touched by stillbirth in some way.

Still born births are more common than we think.

1 in 6 babies born in Australia every day are still born. The numbers are staggering. And yet it is still such a taboo topic.

Behind every statistic is a story.

In this episode of the podcast, Bree Amer Wilkes shares her story about her son Archie, who was stillborn.

Bree shares her personal perspective on the loss of a baby and we discuss ways to offer support to anyone impacted by pregnancy and infant loss.

Archie may have been stillborn but he is still loved.

On this episode of the podcast, I have a chat to Belinda Jane from Belinda Jane video. Belinda and her wonderful team, work behind the scenes in creating all the audio and visual tributes to personalise funerals, such as Music, Order of Services, Memorial cards, bookmarks, Reflections of life slideshows and in more recent times, funeral recording and live streaming.

We have a great chat on how funerals have changed and how live streaming has made this challenging time during COVID a little bit easier.

We also talk about music and what families should avoid if they are organizing their own photos slideshows.

Belinda shares so much insight to what goes on behind the scenes, so sit back and enjoy listening to this episode.

On this episode of the podcast, I have a chat with John Slaytor, funeral photographer.   Funeral Photographer is a genre of photographer that we don’t hear talked about a lot.  For some people this concept may seem disrespectful or even morbid. 

But through the course of conversation, John shares with us the concept that his clients felt he “was their eyes when they couldn’t see with grief”. 

We have a lovely conversation about the kindness and compassion that is often seen at funerals and how important these images may be one day in years to come. 

Shots of Fireball, singing Karaoke live music, tears and laugher.

The was Sarah's swan song.

Sarah was only 34 when she died suddenly leaving her family and friends reeling in shock.

She lived life to the full. She love performing, travelling and having a good time.

Her loved ones didn't know where to start in planning her farewell. But what they did know is that a traditional funeral would really upset her.

Sarah's swan song allowed her loved ones to honour her and her love of life in a really authentic way.

In this episode, I have an absolutely wonderful chat with Annie Bolitho.

Annie is the author a beautiful book called "Death a love project".

It is a great resource for anyone who is having to think about decisions about their own death or for someone they love, before they meet with a funeral director.

We also chat about all sorts of things including Death cafes, the use of ritual in ceremony, zoom funerals and we explore how funerals can look different from one family to the next.

Zenith Virago is renowned for leading the way in helping demystifying death, dying and funerals in our society for over 25 years.

She brings a wealth of experience and knowledge which she freely shares in this episode of Deadly Serious Conversations.

Conversations like this one are so important, to inform listeners of some of the choices available to them, prior to and following the death of a loved one.

These choices can help to prepare us for living and dying better.

Today, I chat to the lovely Danielle from an organisation called "Motherless Daughters" about the impact of the death of your mother at any age can have on your life.

Motherless Daughters is a wonderful organisation that helps connect woman and girls whose mother has died.

In this episode of Deadly Serious Conversations, I chat to the lovely Meg Marshall. Meg was diagnosed with Breast Cancer at 28 and since then she has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. She has been incredibly busy living ever since.

She has put in place many plans for her love ones for a time when she is not here.

In this episode, Meg shared her honest and open experience of living with a Terminal Diagnosis

In this episode I have a chat with Lucy from Head and Heart Estate Planning. in this episode we chat about the next steps in handling someones estate after they pass away. We also chat about what happens if someone dies without a Will.

In Episode 12 of Deadly Serious Conversations, I have a chat with the lovely Jo Betz. Jo courageously talks to us about learning to live with grief, following the sudden and unexpected death of her husband Craig.

She also shares some insight on how her grief has evolved over time and how she has come to accept that grief will always be a part of her life.

Through her experience, Jo has written a beautiful book called “Grief – a guided journal” to help others express their feelings, following the death of a loved one.

In this episode of the Deadly Serious Conversations podcast, Fiona chats to to Lisa Oshlack from Moving on. 

One of the many services that moving on provides is helping families take care of the daunting task of organising personal belongings after someone has died, 

Lisa offers some great suggestions on how to alleviate the emotional challenge of this task.