This episode of the podcast is one that challenges the conventional narratives surrounding end-of-life ceremonies and funerals.  

In it, I have a wonderful chat with Tim and Paul, whose mum Mary Anne decided to face her own mortality and embraced the idea of a living wake after deciding not to continue treatment for Bowel cancer.  

Often at funerals, people remark to me that it is a shame that the person who died didn’t hear all the lovely things that others had to say about them.   

But Mary Anne got the opportunity before her death, to be with her family and friends and to hear the many reasons they loved her at her living wake.  

Her loved ones shared and stories and memories and were able to express their gratitude to Mary Anne so she was able to hear how people felt about her before she died.  

Tim and Paul offer their different perspectives on this celebration of their mums’ life.  

Living wakes or funerals are certainly not for everybody, but the landscape of funerals is changing as we explore alternatives to the solemn occasions that funerals traditionally have been.   Whether you are curious about the concept, planning such an occasion for yourself or a loved one, or seeking a fresh perspective on one of life’s inevitabilities, this episode has it all.  

We hear it all the time that life changes in a second, and nothing can prepare us for it when that does happen. We all think and hope it will never happen to us.

Jacinda has been living with the loss of her son Harper and his dad Matt, when they were both killed in a freak accident.

Losing 2 people you love at the same time seems unimaginable.

In today’s episode, Jacinda shares with us a glimpse into what life after the loss of a child looks like 4 years on, the unique pain of losing two people you love at the same time, her experience of living with such a loss and learning to find hope when all hope has been lost.

While flowers may provide immediate comfort, there are myriad alternative ways to support someone navigating the challenging journey of loss. Consider these alternatives to flowers

When someone dies your relationship with them doesn’t have to die too.

Finding new ways to continuing and connect with someone who has died is a healthy and normal part of moving forward after loss.

A funeral celebrant is a trained professional who conducts funeral and memorial services, focusing on celebrating the life of the deceased while providing comfort and support to the grieving family. Their primary role is to create a meaningful and personalised ceremony that reflects the wishes and values of the deceased and their family.

The loss of a loved one is one of life's most profound and challenging experiences, and it becomes even more complex when a child is involved. Explaining death to a child and helping them navigate the emotional journey that follows is a delicate task that parents, caregivers, and educators often face. Children, depending on their age and understanding, may react to death in various ways, and it's our responsibility to guide them through this process with love, patience, and understanding.

As the cost for a traditional burial rises each year and as people have become more environmentally conscious about our land shortage, Cremation has become the preferred choice for many Australians, With over 70% of funerals now involving a cremation.

There is no textbook to tell you what to do in these circumstances, and suddenly you find yourself in a situation having to decide whether to cremate or bury your loved one. Subsequently, you then have to make a decision about what to do with their ashes.

Just recently there was a lot of media coverage about a fan allegedly throwing a bag containing her mum’s ashes at a Pink Concert. And it prompted a lot of people to think what they would do with their loved ones ashes.

Today I have a chat with Oliver & Yaz from the URN Collective to discuss the options on what to do with someone’s ashes.

Links:
Urn Collective

Have you ever wondered what you should do when someone you love dies and their death is expected? It is important to note that these are the steps should someone be receiving care from their doctor and their death is not unexpected.

Some people may argue differently, but I believe funerals are for the living to remember and honour their dead.

Jo Lincoln is no stranger to the podcast. In fact, she was my first ever guest and I am absolutely delighted to have her back, talking about her new book - "Is this normal?"

Grief is uncomfortable, it is complex and everyone experiences it differently.

At times it feels overwhelming and all consuming, and indeed very abnormal.

Jo is a death doula, a celebrant, a certified grief educator, a counsellor with Griefline and now a published author.

And today we have a lovely conversation, normalising grief in the early days after someone dies

Links

Is this normal?

Griefline

20 percent of women or 1 in 5 may experience a pregnancy loss in the first 20 weeks of pregnancy.  

That is 1 early pregnancy loss every 5 mins in Australia.  Behind these statistics are real people.  So many people walk this lonely road, yet often we never know.  It’s such a silent and isolating grief, not being able to talk with anyone about it. And having to act like it never happened...

The chances are someone you know and love will have experienced an early pregnancy loss and it is very important that we all learn how to support grieving parents better.  

I have to admit, my experience of miscarriage or early pregnancy loss is from a professional point of view.  I have walked with many parents to honour their precious babies but I haven’t experienced this type of loss myself.  

But I do know that there isn’t enough understanding of the grief around this type of loss.  But I want to educate myself and learn more.  

In an effort to being more open to learning how we can support couples who have experienced pregnancy loss,  I have invited Karen Schlage to be a guest.   

Karen’s 2 babies – Charlie and Sophia both died in the 2nd trimester of each pregnancy.  Although it is very bittersweet, Karen is now doing incredible work in honouring them and advocating for those facing pregnancy loss.  

This is a wonderful chat and I think we can all learn something from it.  

Links
Karen's Website 
Churchill Fellowship
Pink Elephants

I believe we have a collective responsibility to continue to do death better.

Grief is a very lonely and isolating experience for those going through it.

Grief can also make us feel uncomfortable because we don't know what to say or do to offer support

Today in this episode of Deadly Serious Conversations podcast, Melinda Whyman and I discuss how to help us learn to be a better support person to someone who is grieving. Navigating how to comfort a friend or family member during such a difficult time is overwhelming — but don’t let the fear of saying or doing the wrong thing hold you back from trying to help at all.

So those who wait, those who mourn, those whose arms ache, those whose heart ache, those without support, those who are disappointed, those who are broken, those who aren’t sure who they are, those who are brave and to all those who find mothers day very difficult, I see you today and every day and  I am sending much love to those whose hearts are hurting and need some extra TLC this week.

Regardless of the circumstances of anyone’s death, we do not need to know this information. They only reason we want to know is to satisfy our own natural curiousity. It doesn’t change the fact that someone has died.

Regardless of the circumstances of anyone’s death, we do not need to know this information. They only reason we want to know is to satisfy our own natural curiousity. It doesn’t change the fact that someone has died.

In this digital age, we all rush to Social Media to express how we are feeling.

Our natural reaction when learning of someone’s death is to pay tribute to them on our social networks. Please, please, please, do not do this until the family has done so.

They may not be ready for the influx of messages or taking on other people’s grief. In those early days there is so much to process. And whether you make a tribute immediately or in a few days time, it won’t change the fact that the person has died.

Over the years, I have heard a lot of people say their pet peeve is a celebrant getting up and talking about the person who died, as if they knew them better than anyone in the room.

For some families they don’t want me sharing their person’s story. They want to share it themselves.

Recently, I had an experience of driving with a funeral procession on a short drive from a service to a cemetery, for a burial.

We were in a line of about 10 cars when an unconnected driver became visibly frustrated with having to slow down.

I know there could have been many things going on for that driver at that moment, but it has prompted me that perhaps we all need reminding of what to do if we encounter a funeral procession.